Divorce.

Yes, It is true I am getting a divorce.

I don't know if George knows it's coming or not but I really don't care anymore I've been talking to my attorneys all week and waiting for the meeting to figure out what exactly is going to happen and when i figure out each step of the way then I'll tell everyone who deserves to know, but all the friends know what is going on just not the family because I know that they will try and talk me out of it or say go to church and it will help my marriage or go to consuling. But Seriousally I am done I just really want to find someone to be with someone who is going to help me and is going to support me in anything and everything that I want to do, & George isn't doing that. I've tried working on this with him but how can i make it work with him if I am the only one trying? So, I am done. I love him but i'm not in love anymore I have moved on with him at my side and that isn't right but this is why we need to divorce I asked for a seperation and he said if I leave then it's done so you know what let it be then. I wasn't such a bitch to him and now that's what is happening and I don't want that, I want and need and deserve to be happy and he deserves the same and the only way we can do that is if we move on with our lives and be the best possible parents to a 2 year old.

Plus- I kind of met someone and nothing is serious and I've only been talking to him a few weeks and george has heard me talk about him but probally doesn't know what is going on... and I'm gonna go visit him soon. I really like this guy and he just makes me feel special. But Idk- what will happen weather or not this works out I just hope I can be his friend because I enjoy the conversations we have. I just know I need to move on with my life and learn how to be the independent mom who can stand on her own 2 feet without help from anyone, I have to do this for my son and for me. But mainly for him. I love you baby!

I just want to find happiness and I don't know if i ever will.... but I know it's alot worse being here because if he touches me im annoyed tries kissing me i just want to hit him calls me babe i would beat him and thats not healthy, this marriage is over. I tried he didn't, i'm not the one to blame I can't make a make this marriage work on my own he has to meet me half way and he failed to do so and he was given way to many chances and screwed up and made me feel like crap. GAME OVER.

i appoligize for the last post

I was just really upset with george I mean I guess me feeling lonely and depressed got the better of me and made me a complete bitch. Because since he doesn't like to communicate with me and when I try and he really doesn't answer me back it makes me feelreally stressed out because then everything stays bottled in until the bitch in myself gets out and a lot of shit happened yesterday but it was my fault weather he wants to admit it or not. But were going to go to consuling and see what we can work out about everything that is going on with us... And I just hope we can make it work but I feel so guilty because he put my mom in the middle of it and I yelled at her and I never seen her cry before I just hope she doesn't hate me because when I saw that I was already kicking myself in the ass- that's why I got even more pissed off me and georges problem are our own we don't need to be involving anyone else except for those involved. So sorry for those who had to hear about it...

shaking of how pissed off i am

dude like what the fuck!!! GEORGE IS A FUCKING PUSSY!!! CANT HANDLE SHIT LIKE A REAL MAN HAS TO BE A LITTLE PUSSY AND CALL MY MOM BECAUSE HES NOTHING BUT A LITTLE BITCH BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THATS OKAY BECAUSE WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE TOGETHER ANYMORE AND COME MONDAY MORNING I WILL BE CALLING THE ATTORNEY GENERAL SO THAT I CAN PUT CHILD SUPPORT ON HIS ASS HE WANTS TO FUCK WITH ME I CAN BE THE BADDEST BITCH IN THIS TOWN AND I DON'T CARE. HE CAN BE WITH JENNIFER IF HE WANTS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE GIVEN UP AND I'M TIRED OF BEING SOO DAMN MISERABLE WITH HIS PUSSY ASS. SO FUCK THAT! HE CAN BE WITH WHOEVER HE WANTS AND I DOUBT ANYONE WILL WANT HIM WHEN HE HAS A EX WIFE WHO IS A BITCH*ME* WHO ALSO HAS 2 KIDS AND 2 BABY MAMAS AND IS PAYING CHILD SUPPORT ON BOTH OF THEM AND HE WONT HAVE MONEY FOR HIMSELF. HAHAH! YES I AM PISSED OFF

i want to feel better about myself

So Maybe the difficulties are that I am insecure about my own body... what ya think? I think so. My husband says he loves me and that he is always bragging about me so maybe it's my own insecurities about my body that has my feeling the way that I am.
This could deffintely be true... who knows right? but anyway so we bought the wii fit i think over this past weekend and tonight was my first time playing it and oh my gosh, i feel like i could be sweating i have heat feeling all over my body so it must be doing the job that it is supposed to be. so i need to start eating right taking my pills an occasional herbalife shake and tea and etc. and then burn about 600 calories a day. sounds good to me so hopefully this works :D

love doesn't exist

I am really trying to convince myself that love really doesn't exist anymore, I am trying not to feel hurt i drew today thinking of how peyton sawyer thought of love and the one thing that kept running through my mind over and over again was "they always leave" and i mean i know that i am married and everything but it doesn't mean that i can't feel hurt or that my heart is breaking because i am hurt and my heart IS breaking. It's like he's cheating on me only he isn't. As of right now i'm not even sure of anything I don't know if he's flirting with another woman having sex with her or he just doesn't give a rats ass about me anymore, if any of that is the case he needs to speak up and stop leaving me in the dark because right now i am so miserable that i am just coming off as a straight up bitch, and I've never ever wanted to treat him that way because I know that he's been through enough crap like that but... am i asking for too much? No I am not. Just be a husband don't be someone who i live with and every now and then share benefits if I wanted that hell I could do that without even being married. I just want him to love and BE IN love with me... show me you love me kiss me like you mean it have sex with me because you've never wanted me more don't do those things because you feel obligated to do so. I've never been in love with someone more in my life.... i just need you to talk to me.... you talk to everyone else but me and it effin sucks. If you love Jennifer tell me if you love Claudia tell me. There just needs to be communcation line and it has to be open and if you don't want that there is no point in us even being together.

in reguards to my last post

The only thing that I truly meant was about my husbands ex. And that I also want to say that I don't like drama so that's why I never give my 2 cents because if my life revolved around it I would put in my piece of info the only thing I have to say is me and george will be together no matter what anyone thinks and it hurts me more than anything to see 2 of the people who I love most and care about most in this world. It sucks but life moves on all we can do is pray for those who wish us harm and teach our children not to be that way.

eff you b-i-t-c-h-e-s

First off stay out of my life.

Don't you stupid adults have anything better to do than to gossip about people on fb? i guess not dumb hoes maybe you should stop gossiping and drinking that hater ade and maybe the other kids apart of your life who will be lucky if they don't turn out like you. Listen to me good and clear I'm not going anywhere and if you don't want nothing to do with us let me say this once your making me EXTREAMLY HAPPY!!! I mean You judged me before you go to know me you talked shit about me without even knowing what I am about, and if you ever stick my sons name in your mouth again trust me your life will be a living hell and MY HUSBAND will have nothing to do with you and I don't care if your blood or not, his son is more important than your skanky lazy ass, and this goes out to his ex as well you need to get over your damn self and realize he has more than one kid now and he will not jump when you say jump i will make a damn sure of that you jealous hoe. get over it. he loves me and i love him and the three of us are the perfect family weather you would like to accept that or not.

we're good.

I talked to him this morning and he said he wants to work it out with me. Although- I am still upset about the fact that he told his mom he was done with me, those kinds of things shouldn't be brought up unless it's a fact and it really hurt me to hear that i didn't go back to sleep until after 7am. I had a huge headache and couldn't sleep because of it and so i used a rag on my head and it helped alot i got my son out at 1030 from his bed and went back to sleep or half a sleep while he watched tv i opened up my eyes about every 10 minutes and he was fine and playing and watching one of his favorite shows "sid the science kid" and then went to check the mail and attorney general papers came in although they didn't send what i was looking for so george is probally going to have to call back so i can write it down.
and i didn't see any address as of where to send payment too????? anywho. got to go and get rhylans birth cirtificate to take over there to the attorney general so that they can lower the child support... haha his ex is gonna be pissed. oh well!

I'll love you no matter what

It's 7:18am. and I have only had maybe an hour if not more of sleep.
I've been crying since last night, I heard my husband or possibly ex husband say that he was done with me, he didn't even tell me he told his mom.

I'm tired of him opening up to his mom not me, didn't he choose me to be his wife so that he can talk to me? If I am feeling shitty I let him know.

Last night We had a huge burst out, he called my mom to come over which in my opinion was stupid and childish wah wah wah my wife didn't let me sleep in the room, get over it. You treat me like dirt you sleep downstairs, it was not going to kill him now was it? No.

He came home banging on the door and this was scaring the crap out of me and I was so scared to open the door because i thought he was going to attack me I seriousally thought that. I am scared for him to touch me right now,

But yet, I am more terrified of us not being together anymore. Maybe he's been waiting for an excuse for us to break up.

I don't know.

What I do know is I am so deeply and madly in love with this man and I even though I have the biggest migraine and My heart is filled with nothing but pain I want nothing more for him to come home and just tell me exactly how much he loves me and everything else. I don't count on him doing that... He might be leaving me today. I don't know... But I am scared of that. I've never been so in love before...

I just never wanted rhylan growing up with a mom and dad around him 24/7. it sucks!

Please god. Please. I pray to you this morning asking you to help with our problems and help us work this out.

I don't believe in divorce but we do have to, I will never re-marry again. I love this man for the long haul, I actually meant it when I said "I do" Until death do us part for me anyway. Maybe he lied, and thought it's what he wanted.

Please,Please.

I will always Love you George... weather you do or don't. that's your decision but you'll always have the key to my heart.

Thinking about my dad yet again....

I don't know why but I think today I have been thinking alot about him wishing I had a relationship with him but it will never happen because of the wife he has, ever since she walked into his life our relationship turned from something to nothing.

I remember this one time I was maybe 11-12 and I had previousaly fractured my ankle and I brought my "boot" to play with wear and I on accident I stepped on her kids foot and she screamed at me to take it off and I remember getting quiet and i ran into my dads house & I cried. He Didn't defend me then.

Or When she yelled at me because she blamed me for breaking the computer he did defend me then but he still forgave her for it, and neither one of those times did she appoligize to me.

Or yelling at me when I had a pill that some guy gave me back in school because i told her kid if she wanted it, when I was messing around with her I was never going to let her take it I would have laughed it off. My dad actually wanted to take me down to the police station for it and the only reason he didn't was because his truck didn't work.

Or the time his wife was spreading MY BUSINESS around her family that's when I stopped trusting her and found out the hard way that I could never tell her anything.

Or the time she told her daughter not to mess with me and try to stay away from me because I was a bad kid and a bad influence. Are you kidding me? Her Kid Named Brittany Michelle Raybon (wishes her last name was Morrow) told me over and over again to hook her up with someone because she was desperate to have a boyfriend and totally desperate to loose her Virginity. You shouldn't have to be rushed into Virginity you should take your time getting there.

But I feel Like I've always been so lost without having a Dad around, like when I had banquets and she couldn't come he would say that he wasn't coming then.

Or the time he actually came from Brazoria to Corpus Christi for my tennis tournament back in the 8th grade. He dropped me off and the skanks kid off at my tournament while he went back to pick the skanky wife at the hotel because she wasn't done putting on her makeup it would take years to make her look beautiful.

So by the time He got back I had already played my match (and lost) but yet he always gets mad because I never invited him to any of my functions or whatever you want to call them. you wanna know why? because your there more for your wife than me.

not to mention that he bought her kid a 2 cars wrecked them. not to mention insurance.

oh and let's see theres the part where he paid for his wife to have surgery because she was getting fatter and she couldn't loose the weight because she was so damn lazy.

then let's see.... he had to pay all that money insurance didn't cover it. and i asked for an ipod touch and yet that's too expensive. asshole

it just breaks my heart to know i don't have a dad and that i got replaced. it truly sucks for me.

It feels like a part of me is missing and it always will be. Because I haven't had a dad since I was about 8 years old when Sherry left.

ever since he's thrown me out to the curb.

but yet I still in a way kind of my son to know his grandfather.

Because he's to ask me one day where my father is...

Hmmm... I guess this questioned will always be un-answered. or I could use my sister's advice and say that he doesn't need to know who he is...

Baby Mama Drama is ALWAYS the worst.

Well my husbands ex- Milissa Rosales or as I like to call her "that bitch" is trying to get more money out of us and we might have to be forced into getting an attorney because this bitch needs to realize that we have a child of our own not just his other child, and I will make sure of that. Just because of his kids has a whore for a mom doesn't mean MY son needs to suffer because of it. I think he has an amazing daughter but there is so much about this situation that she just does not even understand, But like my mom said it's not her fault because she didn't ask to be born and I'm not blaming my husband I'm just glad we're together now so that he doesn't make anymore mistakes like Milissa. I have heard over and over from his mom and everyone else how much of a mistake she was and I laughed when he was telling his dad about the drama and everyones advice is totally right about her, He will not let her push him around because if she does it again I will open my mouth weather that bitch gets mad or not, she is not my family and I will never invite her into it. Like for my son's 2nd birthday I invited Ilissa, and Ilissa only and her and her other daughter and her kid and her stupid fatass boyfriends kids too and her nephews like who the fuck invited them? I didn't. SO let me say this again you will not take more money from me HOE! I am going to fight for my man and my son. Just know that I am a bitch who has NEVER liked you but only put up with you just like the rest of his family does. Nobody likes you and everyone has agreed that you were always the mistake. Remember God will not put you through what he can't take you through.

dont push me away

I feel like you keep pushing me
Further and futher away
And its hard for me to accept that
Because I love you more than words could ever describe
I love you ten times more than ill ever
Be able to show you.
You are my soul mate and ill never give up on you
And I hope that you'll never give up on me
So stop pushing me away
Pull me close to you; kiss me
And make passionate love to me.
I love you and that will never stop
Nor will it ever change
Or go away.

Brokenhearted

i wrote this poem today after being pissed about george not wanting to communicate with me.

here it is:

"Broken hearted"

I feel like I'm so alone
in this crazy world
not knowing what to do
feeling so empty and so alone
with no on to talk to
with no one to love me
but my first born son
waiting to just lay in a hole
and cry until the pain goes away
feeling like my
heart has shattered
with the pain in my stomach
i just want to feel numb
instead of this horrible pain
that lies in my heart
i love you-but yet youve
seemed to cause pain
to me and to my heart

Written By: Victoria Vera
July 22,2010

why do THEY keep pushing me...

I want to know why my mom keeps pushing me into being in contact with my dad, if he wants a "relationship" with me it should be on his end-i'm not going to him anymore i'm just not, not only that George doesn't like seeing me so upset over how my dad treats me or let his skanky wife do, and i would never do that and nor will I ever put my son around that he is my world- and if i was ever with someone else i would never in a million years let them talk to him however they wanted my son is my #1 and i do what is best for him and not for what is best for myself. Anyways that's all for now... Rhylan turns 2 tomorrow!!! ahhh. then his party saturday! woot wooot wooooot!

a little scared

so george got off work today and took a shower... that NEVER EVER happens, I have to tell him to take one when he really STANKS because usually he'll take one right before bed... why did he shower? was he with someone? idk- it has me worried- did he do something? idk i am probally tripping. but what if im not? idk- i hope not i don't wanna loose my new family they rock and their my world, idk. well anita and the clan will be here in about 3 weeks! and my party is in 2 weeks as well as my birthday oh my gosh i can not even begin to tell you how excited i am. i just wanna be with my husband more than anything i want to work out our marriage problems and i want us to be the golden couple that everyone envies. hopefully that happens....

thinking thinking thinking

so i've been extreamly "down" lately- I can't stop but help think of Zeke- I didn't even go to the room where Zeke was- I just couldn't after Isabel passed away it was extreamly hard for me to get over the death and of me loosing her.. and that's why I really didn't want too it's just WAY to hard for me to deal with because now I am TERRIFIED of death. I want to get to a point to where I accept it and I want to be totally in sync with JESUS, and I wanna have a closer relationship with all my in laws and my brother for that matter, I don't want to regret anything I want to be happy and love life and everyone in it-but onto other things I got a comment thing from Milissa and idk it said it was from ilissa that she got offended because she wasn't listed as my daughter- I didn't know if that would be okay with her because it kind of feels like de-ja vu because when i was 8 my dad met his whore of a girlfriend/wife whatev-and she controlled everything and he never stuck up for me and he never spent time alone with me and he did everything with her brat of a daughter and he lived in angleton and i lived in corpus some things are different her dad(george) lives in corpus and she lives in angleton i don't control stuff and i tell him to go spend time with her alone or with both the kids and i don't have a kid of my own nor would i ever want him to spend more time with my non exsisting other child than his own because that's not right but anyway back to the point i would be pissed if she listed me as her daughter i would throw my fit so bad she wouldn't know what hit her. So I didn't know where the limit was and now I know and it actually makes me happy to hear that she wanted me to post that she was my daughter it's not that i wanted her to be offended it's that she wants me to call her my daughter as well it really did because a while back i got into that fight w/ claudia and she said ilissa didn't even like me so it made me happy because if she was offended that means she likes me :) yay! well anyway- that's all for now.

everything going on.

well unfortunately the prayer didn't work not that it didn't work but GOD needed Zeke. Zeke passed away Tuesday morning, I am so sad about this... I did cry a little bit- I didn't know him to well I only saw him maybe about 5 times during the course of my relationship with George, but it doesn't mean that I wasn't sad about. But He's with GOD right now and his Lovely Wife Gloria. So we'll be going to Victoria tomorrow after my huney gets out of work so that we can so be there for the family, I just feel so sad because we saw him 2 days before he passed away we did say goodbye and george got to tell him that he loved him I just wished that my babe would have talked to him more.. But When we did see him I could see that he was in pain it hurt me alot because Zeke lost his life the same way my grandfather did and then I was about 11-12 years old so I really don't remember if my grandpa was suffering or if he was in pain. I just hate that anybody has to go through this. But anyway- the herbalife party is on Sunday. hopefully going to make some money and then rhylans birthday is coming up in about 2 weeks and 1 day and we're really excited that he's finally going to turn 2... but not ready for the TERRIBLE TWOS! and then in about 3 and 1/2 weeks is my 21st birthday! woot woot! no idea on what we're doing it.. but IT HAS TO BE BIG! haha :) anyways this is all for now. oh yeah and then about a week or maybe two later is me and my honeys 3 year ANNIVERSARY! yeah! lol ciao!

i have one of the best worlds the other not so good

well yesterday was supposed to be a good day spending with my family.. but it wasn't.
well... we go to the bank and what happens? a cash and go check went through a check that was supposed to be shredded but wasn't. how horrible are they! but anywho we had to pay $30 for them to stop that check, so now- yeah i've been talking it over with George about switching his bank accounts to maybe mine or even a different bank just so that we can avoid all of these money problems, but I am working really hard to try and bring in some more money so that's why i'm trying to figure out some things if i could work i would but i can't, 1) I can't afford the childcare & 2)no way to get there lol... but we're working on getting me a car it's kind of hard doing things with no car... but i must make sacrifices for me and my family, but anywho the good part about yesterday? well for me no more pocket! butttt.I got sprint and i finally got my blackberry! my real blackberry not one that looks like one whoo hoo! & i absolutely love it! plus i can do more buisness on it. and that will be good for us i'm just praying and hoping i can make some more money and not let anyone think i'm just mooching. he's my husband and i love him more than life even if i do hate him 10% of the time. but 90% i'm madly in love :) Anyways that's all for now!

So I've been doing alot of thinking

So first off- I need to graduate & I've been looking over some online GED it's easy and convienent for me for someone who is trying to finish their high school education who happens to also be a stay at home mom and wife, and with no car.. it's hard for me plus no money to be able to afford child care so I need to get that taken care of and I really need a job I don't really want to work but I NEED to, it's not a want it's a need and I need to do more things to make more money it's just going to be alot easier being able to bring in more money so that we're not always struggling with bills.

then here is another thing that has been on my mind- I want to really write a book. about the relationship that I have with my dad but yet not making it out as an autobiography making it a drama telling book/novel. I just really want to do this that not every father/daughter relationship is about a dad protecting his daughter or loving her unconditionally and i will send a copy to him myself and there will be no dedication to him in any kind of way, because he was never there for me, and he deserves it. I just really wish that I had a dad and it sucks that I don't and I'll always have the feeling of something missing and it sucks, but there is nothing that I can do about this, he caused this upon himself end of story.

then- today was one of the greatest days that I had with George, we went to a few stores today I cooked us some spagetti and boy was it yummy! I think I'm going to make him some enchiladas tomorrow. :) but he just kept coming up to me from behind and holding me and just kissing me on my lips my cheecks and all around my neck :) then when we were watching the game *go celtics* he pulled me from where i was and sat me on his lap for me to kiss him, it was so romantically cute.

loosing weight has been a challenge my weight keeps going up and down. which sux! i need to loose 42 pounds! yikes!

i hope your okay zeke.

well things haven't been great- well my husbands uncle, so i guess he's my uncle too since i'm married to my hubby lol idk. but anywho so about a month ago maybe longer... my husband's uncle Zeke got diagnosed with cancer and just yesterday my mother in law said that they took my father in law outside the room and said that there was no hope for him which makes me really sad and i even started to almost cried but i blinked away the tears, even though i don't know him very well and i haven't had many conversations with him, it still makes me sad that my husband is going to be very sad when it's time for him to move onto a better place. I know that when my husband talks to his uncle zeke on the phone he gets very happy and i don't wanna see him sad, it hurts you when the ones u care about the most are heart broken. It really does hurt my heart, But I know I'm going to have to be the strong one for my husband because I know he's going to lean on me for a shoulder to cry on and also for some support. I am praying for you zeke and i hope your doing a lot better, we all love you and are praying for your like crazy, and we're always going to be thinking of you.

update.

well things have been going well just trying to stay strict with my diet and trying to keep the weight off i lost about 13 pounds but then gained 3 back so it's a struggle but i just need to arrange my diet and have a routine so that doesn't happen- but over all i am doing soo great! and i am so happy to see my mom loosing weight and getting more healthy! it's good for her and i just wish my sister would use herbalife to loose weight and be healthy but i don't think she will and i just hope she doesn't get diabetic because of the weight and the fact that is does run in our family, but who knows? and i just really want her to stop handing off her kids to everyone, it's like she wants to have kids but not have the responsibility for them and that really pisses me off!!! but anywho- on to new things... my 21st birthday is coming up and i am getting soooo effin xcited!! i have no idea what i want to do yet but we'll see what kind of events come up for that day.... then rhylan's 2nd birthday party is coming up as well and we're exciting for my baby because he is going to get sooo spoiled :D but technically that's my day too since i went through all of that hard work bringing him into this world :) then the party we're having for herbalife.... then sometime during the summer Anita & her daughter are coming to see George's uncle Zeke. I'm kind of nervous about that though- I don't want any problems for George... Maybe I'll just sit this one out!! Who knows?
Well anyways, this is all for now. TATA!

i just want him to care....

I just want him to ask how my day was or if i burn myself on the burner say "are you ok" or just come up to me just to say i love you. just to text me and say "i miss you" he used to do everything like that... everyone was jealous of what we have. and now? i'm jealous of what they have. i just want the old george back, and i honestly don't know if that will ever happen. i am so depressed and he's not willing to make me happy. as long as he's happy then no one else matters. i just wish that i was able to drink like there was no tomorrow because then i could hide the pain with liquor. i would be a drunk, but then nobody would know how i felt, because i would be able to hide it by drinking. this sucks! :(

i hate this crap!

so a few days ago me and george had sex or as he likes to say "he made love to his wife" hehe he's the bessst! anywho- so now a few days later i only get my period from what i've noticed when me and george have sex and i honestly think that's so weird, but anywho- now i am in extreamly bad back ache pain it's horrible i think i would just feel a whole lot better if i could cry... but guess what? i can't. but yeah but other than that- last night me being so pissed about going to George's brothers? It wasn't that I was pissed it was just like I felt like I was told we were going I probally would have agreed if I was just asked, that's all I wanted. I mean I love every single one of my in-laws to death and I am one of the most outgoing people IN THE WORLD! but just ask! Grrr! LOL- But yeah it was David,Pat,Roland,Alex,Bridgette, Roland's 2 kids George & Myself- everyone was pretty much drunk except for me of course! I only had 2 drinks and that's because I had to make myself drink the 2nd one!! It was pretty damn strong! LOL!!! But I had a good night with my husband but I just really wanna "be with him" more and him to be more open! I think that's why i've been so bitchy and I hate being that way towards him, but This week Maybe Thursday I wanna cook a GREAT dinner for him, and maybe a dessert to just to show him how much I love him and how much I appriciate him for everything he does for our family and how i would marry him over and over again and not change a thing. He told me when we reach 10 years that he wants to re-new our vows and baby we'll get there, maybe next time we can have a beach wedding!! woot woot. but only our family can be there.. if that! lol. I just want something intimate (like i wanted the first time around!!) well other than that.. i've been on the search for a beautiful green dress! i want to wear some of my mothers day gifts and they are green so ugh. lol but i'm probally just going to have to wear the pink dress and then wear some cute jewelry... like the braclet/necklace my sister in law gave me from Hawaii... so yeah. i just need to find some damn matching shoes!!
lol. we bought my 21st birthday invitations today!! we bought like 24 invites for about 3 dollars. lol... so far on my guest list- Tania,Jacob,Gayla,Evelyn,Marissa,Michelle&Joe,Stacy,Paul,Trey,David & etc and idk who else yet- the only person out of those I can almost guarantee is Evelyn. I just need to find out what I can do so that the party isn't BORING! Like who wants to be bored at a 21st birthday party? not me. I gotta plan,plan,plan. :) if you have any ideas please let me know.

drinks,and decorations is what I need help with!!!!!!

feeling kind of depressed

i don't know what to do about this deasease that has a habbit of always coming back i hate it and my husband is just making it worse, i don't know there are times when i hate his guts times when i love him like no other (other than rhylan and my mom) times when i think i want him to leave times when i think i want a divorce or a seperation and times when i want no one to believe we're married other times when i want to see what would happen if a beautiful women were to approach him with and without a wedding ring. IDK- he says he's not very communitive and that he's not going to change but i need something, it's making my heart more and making me shut down!! and making me feel insecure, it took me years to put myself in a confident state and not always be so quiet but now it's returning and i don't know what to do, i just wish there was someone to talk too about this.

so much drama....

so last weekend was probally one of the worst weekends in my life.... i don't want to get into every single datail but long story short my dad's stupid wife and her stupid daughter caused some un-necessary drama which was caused by my dad for giving his stupid STEP daughter my number, if i wanted her to have it i would have given it to her in the first place, end of story. stupid man! so i talked to my dad's ex girlfriend Sherry, she has always been there for me through thick and thin and everytime my dad let me down or whatever was going to i talked to My mom and my sister and sherry she was always there for me to talk to, and i'm so happy she's not with my dad though, she is way too good for him and i am so happy she finally met someone who made her happy and i'm so happy their married, sherry really does deserve the best! anywho- so yeah he didn't defend me over his STAIN so i said eff it. i'm done with that drama and i don't want any part of it, I have my amazing husband George and our beautiful little boy Rhylan and my AWESOME step daughter Ilissa Nicole. :) they are my world! Especially with the help of all of my inlaws and my mom and siblings and nephews! SO that's that. Well in 6 days we'll be in south carolina, I am excited to go, since I haven't been on a plain since I was 11 or 12 years old... so I'm nervous and Just hoping that everything goes well, and everything. I am going to pack for us Thursday! So that By Saturday all we have to worry about is leaving. then we leave sunday and come back thursday. then me and my hubby can spend time together on his vacation!! we're due for some alone time together!! I'm thinking about going to the ER on his vacation... I've been having alot of back pains and horrible stomach pains... they suck! but hopefully the DR's there will be able to figure out what is going on with my body. But yeah- This week I am back on the herbalife diet. which should be good, so that I can be healthy and loose the weight that I need to loose, I want to feel great and feel great about myself, and that's something I do need. I want to step inside a room and someone be like damn! and I'm doing this the healthy way instead of getting some weight loss surgery... who inspired me? myself my mom and of course the BIGGEST LOSER. Along with my husband. We're voting for Sunshine to win! but if not her... then Sam or maybe Even Koli. Who knows? But for the at home challenge? O'Niel. or Drea. But yeah- well I'm just glad I have someone to do the Herbalife with... my best friend... My MOMMY! :) It's going to be great! Well tonight we used Skype for the first time!! We talked to George's sister Anita... "Debbie" It was cool, because she got to see Rhylan for the first time.... even me too! Even though I looked like crap! LOL- Buttttt! Um, I finally finished go ask alice, and it was a horrible book but I am going to keep it.. for my kids to read. It's a true story about what drugs can do to you. But- It's also Life touching, you can feel how real it really is. well that's all for now! G'nite. God Bless Everyone! && Please everyone pray for us for our flight and for us to arrive there and back SAFELY!

we had a rough day....

george upset me today about me 2 dishes not being washed the dishwasher just didn't do it's job so i was going to do it before he snapped at me about it- but whatever. so rhylan and i went upstairs and he tumbles down the stairs and my heart beated so fast and i ran but george caught him and rhylan was crying not because he hurt himself but because he was scared but george busted his lip and hurt his leg for our son, he's my hero for today other than that GOD and Rhylan and George and my mom and my brother are my favorite Hero's!! but yeah he said he slid to catch him my baby boy fell and i grabbed him from george so fast and i just started crying it scared the living hell out of me, my baby got hurt... he is my absolute everything! but I'm glad that rhylan and george are okay :D and... later on i just got really worried and started crying but george conforted me... and told me that rhylan was okay and that it was an accident- but i was just happy that i had a good man in my arms to hold me and make everything better!! I just want to be the good wife for him just like he's the BEST man in the world for me... i wouldn't change anything because I know it's not often to find a good man for someone or even a good wife... I mean just look at my dad! Don't get me wrong I like the fact that he and my mom met because then I wouldn't be here and then I wouldn't have met George and then I wouldn't be the mother to an absolutely amazing handsome and cute as can be child.. named Rhylan Zane, BUT- I am so happy more than words can ever say that he and my mother are no longer together.. do i like his new wife and her kid? hell to the NO! I mean he always and i mean always asks me if i like her i just say yes to shut him up, but i've never liked her! and nor will i ever and she will NEVER and I mean NEVER be allowed anywhere near my son! i hate her. end of story. but i just don't really like my dad and it's like i'm always trying to hang up with him before he says i love you so that i don't have to say it back or if i do i don't mean it! but-
he asked me once that if i wanted i could leave rhylan with him for a weekend but there will be in no way possible that i will ever leave him for a weekend with that crazy family of his. first off- i will not leave him around that whores daughter Brittany Michelle Raybon. stupid girl thinks she is my dads daughter haha. if i didn't know my dad i'd say be his daughter! but it just pisses me off that he always does more for her than he's ever done for me in a lifetime, it sucks and the feeling sucks! i feel depressed and like a apart of me is missing because of it! i think it would some-what be better if i never knew him... because then i wouldn't be soooo dissapointed. IDK- I'm just glad that rhylan has a dad that will always be there for him!

It came back...

Well tonight I went shopping with my mom (and she insisted we bring rhylan, ugh.) LOL not that I love him, because I love him with every part of my little being but it's hard to really shop with a toddler! We're going to be going to church soon, so that's the reason for the shopping emergency! hehe. But I wanna feel good/better about myself so I think I always try to look my BEST when i'm in church, usually... not with Glory because well, I didn't like the church-but I am sure that I will LOVE this new church! :) Well tonight I tried to talk "sexy" to George... But- He didn't like it, and it's really starting to DEPRESS me! He was going into the shower tonight and i told him that he better shut the door/lock the door because i was going to "rape" him and he just laughed it off and i told him that i wanted an answer but he didn't all he did was close the door.... so he comes down stairs from the shower and he tries to kiss me goodnight but i pull away and i say "No, I'm mad at you" and he asks why so i told him that he didn't answer me and he says I'll Answer you when your serious, and i said i was and still nothing. I heart kind of sunk really low!! & I felt the depression... the depression is indeed back... I'm going to be going to the ER soon, and I am hoping that they can treat my depression there as well... I'm just scared.... I miss the man who I fell in love with.... The man I fell in love with was always talking about sex and could bearly keep his hands off of me, and now? anytime i mention sex he ignores me... and as far as touching me? it's a miracle if he does touch me... I just don't know what to do anymore, I just feel really sad. I just think he should go out of town by himself and maybe I just need a few days to think to be by myself and think about everything, and maybe it would do him some good as well. I love him more than anything him & rhylan & my mommy and JESUS. are my life, my world. but I'm just really confused....

i hate when i feel this way....

i don't know for some reason today just wasn't the best day for me, I feel great when I go to workout @ the gym I love when I sweat because then I know that I'm doing something good, I know that I'm working towards something, then when I'm eating healthy it just makes me feel better but when i'm eating healthy and not working out it doesn't seem that i'm working towards something and i haven't gone to the gym in about a week because i've been busy moving into the new apartment and trying to put everything where it belongs, but from anniville to the gym it's a good distance and that's alot of gas and i need to see if there is an allternate route, like to find some workouts that do work that i can do at home, and not have to drive into town 3-4 days a week, and it hurts like my husband isn't happy to see me all the time he says he is, but maybe it's all in my head maybe it's just me maybe i'm just too insecure about myself to see that he really is loving and being affectionate with me, or maybe if i am feeling this way then that means there is something wrong??? i don't know i got really hott tonight and i couldn't sleep (hence the reason why i am awake so late) so i came downstairs to watch some t.v but while i was laying in bed, i could feel how large my stomach was my theighs and my legs, i just wish i could be the perfectly fit girl, i see girls in the gym all the time and i say why is that skinny bitch at the gym, i wish someone would say that about me but i feel like people are saying and she only comes 3 days a week? bitch needs to come 7. i just wanna be a size 9-10, but instead i'm a 16. i wanna weight what i'm supposed to weight i wanna be able to wear skinny jeans and look good doing it, i just wanna feel sexy and look sexy and i want my husband to just tell me and i want him to WANT ME. I just feel so insecure right now, and i hate that i feel this way... and to top it off I think my brother doesn't concider me his sister i mean we have the same mom but different dads, but me and my sister aren't that way, we're really close, i mean i can pretty much tell her anything that i want to, and vice versa. I mean the only time I talk to him is if I happen to answer my moms phone or if- he comes down to texas which is only once every few years, i talk to his wife more than him but he calls both my mom and sister and sends them both a text, and he does neither. I think the last time I remember him calling to actually talk to me, not for a question or what not- was my 18th birthday (I'm almost 21) and I remember my phone ringing when Isabel passed away, but when she passed I didn't want to talk to anyone but Isabel's family, IDK it just really made me cry I love my brother I really do, but I wonder if he conciders me his real sister or his half sister. It makes me sad.... It's probally all in my mind but this is how I feel.

On my Journey to loosing 30 pounds.


on the bright side, I'm loving the new place (:

i hate when i feel this way....

i don't know for some reason today just wasn't the best day for me, I feel great when I go to workout @ the gym I love when I sweat because then I know that I'm doing something good, I know that I'm working towards something, then when I'm eating healthy it just makes me feel better but when i'm eating healthy and not working out it doesn't seem that i'm working towards something and i haven't gone to the gym in about a week because i've been busy moving into the new apartment and trying to put everything where it belongs, but from anniville to the gym it's a good distance and that's alot of gas and i need to see if there is an allternate route, like to find some workouts that do work that i can do at home, and not have to drive into town 3-4 days a week, and it hurts like my husband isn't happy to see me all the time he says he is, but maybe it's all in my head maybe it's just me maybe i'm just too insecure about myself to see that he really is loving and being affectionate with me, or maybe if i am feeling this way then that means there is something wrong??? i don't know i got really hott tonight and i couldn't sleep (hence the reason why i am awake so late) so i came downstairs to watch some t.v but while i was laying in bed, i could feel how large my stomach was my theighs and my legs, i just wish i could be the perfectly fit girl, i see girls in the gym all the time and i say why is that skinny bitch at the gym, i wish someone would say that about me but i feel like people are saying and she only comes 3 days a week? bitch needs to come 7. i just wanna be a size 9-10, but instead i'm a 16. i wanna weight what i'm supposed to weight i wanna be able to wear skinny jeans and look good doing it, i just wanna feel sexy and look sexy and i want my husband to just tell me and i want him to WANT ME. I just feel so insecure right now, and i hate that i feel this way... and to top it off I think my brother doesn't concider me his sister i mean we have the same mom but different dads, but me and my sister aren't that way, we're really close, i mean i can pretty much tell her anything that i want to, and vice versa. I mean the only time I talk to him is if I happen to answer my moms phone or if- he comes down to texas which is only once every few years, i talk to his wife more than him but he calls both my mom and sister and sends them both a text, and he does neither. I think the last time I remember him calling to actually talk to me, not for a question or what not- was my 18th birthday (I'm almost 21) and I remember my phone ringing when Isabel passed away, but when she passed I didn't want to talk to anyone but Isabel's family, IDK it just really made me cry I love my brother I really do, but I wonder if he conciders me his real sister or his half sister. It makes me sad.... It's probally all in my mind but this is how I feel.

On my Journey to loosing 30 pounds.


on the bright side, I'm loving the new place (:

new things are happening!!

Sorry that I haven't written in a while.. so quite a few things have been going on.. for one my husband is finally caught up with his back child support so we won't be paying $125 a week anymore just $100 (: and then we get to keep our tax refund whoo hoo! we need it too, because we're in the process of MOVING!! we're moving to Anniville though, that's not to bad but it's an amazing step in me and george's relationship/marriage we're starting off fresh (in the words of my husband) we're buying new couches, we're going to buy a new mattress we're soon going to buy a new dresser and we're going to get a rocker chair for me so that i can rock rhylan, because like now he's sick and he's very cuddly with me, so that will be good. We're going to decorate all the rooms different and what I LOVE about this Townhouse is that it has a patio with alot of storage places, and I want to be able to have little get togethers there as VS where we're at now we can't because it's too small i mean 5 people here and it's totally crowded! Like Rhylan's 2nd birthday is coming up & My 21st birthday as well, and now we have the space to do something at the Casa if that's what we decide what we want to do. Anyways, on to the next thing- well when I lost the 6 pounds I was absolutely thrilled so the following week i slacked on my diet and didn't work out like I should have so I gained back 3 pounds so this week I went to work out Wednesday & Thursday night and did good on my diet except once when George's friend brought us WHATABURGER for dinner. (: .... & then today I went to find out my weight at I lost almost 3 pounds. but I did loose 2. so I'm happy about it, In my opinion if i keep going the way I'm doing i think I could loose enough weight by July. But I've gotta "purchase" my birthday outfit by the end of June, so that I can make sure, that for sure it's here by my birthday. SO JESUS HELP ME! Monday-Thursday. Gym at most 2 hours. and eat good and healthy, try my best not have bread products and no coke. Just water, crystal light and my biggest loser protein drinks and of course my supplements, I'm hoping for a double digit weight loss this week.. I've got to buy my new supplements this weekend! Anyways, I'll let everyone know about my process weight loss. I finished another book titled "He's just not that into you" I wasn't into it at all, but my goal is 100 books, and I bought it, So i had better read it. Now it's onto the next book.... Nicolas SParks "Message in the bottle" that's all for now. TTYL

new changes.

so we might be moving by the end of the month! but the bad thing is. we have to arrange some things like the whole spending money deal! but anywho. so pray for us that we get this because we really need more space! and anywho-

so i went to heb last night and discovered what i already knew- last week i got off my diet and i gained a few pounds. 3 pounds to be exact. so i need to go back down and i need to stay on my diet.

i wanna see what happens if i cut out dairy from my diet. totally. and even bread.

i want to hopefully loose 30 pounds by July. Please Jesus help me!!!

My Journey......

things have been going well for me. I have lost 6 pounds and 3 inches from my waist so far, i still have a long way to go, but with the support of my family I know that I can do this! I just need to work out harder and longer and eat the right meals... I went to kmart last week and put some things on lay away for rhylan so that we can get his new room set up for him like his toddler bed, his potty and stuff for his room and etc. and i put a pair of size 10 jeans in there too (cost only $20.00) and thats where i wanna be eventually there's a possibility that i want to be even smaller we just have to see how it looks, i don't wanna be like these anorexic skanks lol so yeah. Rhylan is getting a whole lot smarter, saying a bunch of words like "mom,dad,outside,remote,bottle,box,bird,papa,book,poopoo,trash,fresh" and a whole lot more, I'm enjoying my time with him so much we're not ready for another one yet, I'm not ready to share my love with another child. Anywho- so i'm reading the last book of the Magic in Manhattan series which is called Parties & Potions by Sarah Mlynowski. and we should be getting a house to rent by the summer and I'm excited, because then we'll have my 21st birthday party and rhylans 2nd birthday party. whoo hoo! anyways, that's all for now. <33 my family.

i'm doing better for myself.

Gym, Didn't happen tonight I decided that I wanted to try the P90X and boy oh boy did i feel like i was already at the gym.. haha. anywho so i am getting closer to achieving my goal/goals. like i said over the weekend i checked my weight and i had lost 6 pounds whoo hoo that means i have 58 more pounds to go... anywho so i am doing good on my other goals.. i am almost done with my 13th book. so that means i only have 87 more books to read. that's awesome (: well if any of you have any suggestions on books or weight loss or whatever bring them to my attention!! please and thank you.

thrilled!!

so it took alot of talking to my husband saturday to get threw to him that i really want him to open up i didn't know what was going to happen when i approached him crying, so the jealousy is gone thank god, because who really wants to be jealous of her? so we're getting back a good amount of money for income tax. so he's getting a projector and a screen so he's happy about that then in a few months we're going to buy ME a 65 inch t.v (; whoo hoo! haha. so the good part about everything that has happened lately? claudia is out of my life.. for good. and my husband hates her i am still upset about the whole ilissa thing.. but i can't do anything to change her mind all i can do is be there if she ever needs anything and do as much as i can for her (which i already do) and her mom and even her gma can vouch for that, we got her quite a bit for christmas i think she got more than my son did, lol. from... us anyway. so saturday night is Victoria+George spending time together so we're cuddling on the couch almost had sex haha. but i was way drunk... he made me uhh.. about 3 margaritas and i was GONEE! he was serving them to me because idk for some reason when i make them i can't drink em but when he made em i was like pour me another.. him and my awesomess brother in law david can make the ritas. haha so i was laying down and then when i can't have anymore and i get up to hook my cell to the charger it hits me... i'm drunk off my ass. LOL i was like babe im goin to bed and i really did go to bed. but we had a good time.. but now we need to buy some more Tequila LOL.. but NOW... to the uber fantastic NEWS!!! so we go to H-E-B to go and get a few groceries so on the way out i'm like okay i'm gonna weigh my self and see what the deal is on how my week went.. and guesss what? I LOST 6 POUNDSSSS! omg. how terrific is that? so that means i only have 58 more pounds to go!! let's get this done baby! whoo hoo. congradulate me because i am thrilled!! only a short time and i'll be shopping at forever 21 (skinny biotch store) to buy me an outfit to celebrate my loosing all the weight that i wanted to dinner (; whoo hoo. I think that I deserve it since I did my best to work it outttt baby. well that's all for now. good night everyone!!

my heart breaks over and over again

I don't know why he can't just talk to me he won't defend and it would kill him before he gave me a sincere compliment or just say that's he proud of me not only to be his wife but because I have stuck by him when I have never ever been more miserable in my life, I have never had my heart broken when I've loved someone so much and when they've never cheated on me.. I just think he still has feelings for his ex. maybe 2 of them but he won't talk to me and him telling me the truth weather it's great or not so great would be better than leaving me in the dark It just really sucks not being able to talk to anyone about this.. who understands and I really hope nobody goes threw this and I honestly believe that he is being so sel-fish and only thinking of himself i mean we don't have sex and the last time i was truly happy non stop? i can't even remember. but the thing is I am madly in love with him but it doesn't help that my heart aches so much. I am at lost on what to do anymore, I just hope he realizes there needs to be change before it's way too late.

i can't get her out of my mind

Why am i obsessing over her i ask you? why? the answer is.. i don't know.
i jealousy is raging because she is skinny, and i'm not.
and his other ex jennifer is skinny and i am not... why is he with me?
why? and it makes it worse that Ilissa likes claudia and not me.
I am sick... and I need help to get rid of this.
I love my husband more than anything and he says the same about me,... but Is he lying or is it the truth? when I met him I was skinny, then i got pregnant.

jealousy and tears

So I now finally know what that skank looks like the only thing I am jelous of though.. is her body.
she has no boobs or an ass but she's skinny and I am so jealous that I am actually here blogging with tears in my eyes holding them back until my mom leaves because I don't want her to see me crying but as soon as she leaves... here come the water works!! I mean this woman was not allowed in my apartment in anyway whoever that skank told to come up here did but I guess I am jealous of her overall my husband used to be with her but I did get the better end I got the ring and I rock his last name... but that still doesn't make me feel any better...my heart is filled with pain and I can't stop shaking...Ugh. I hate this feeling I have never felt this way before sure I've hated some exes I hate another one of my husbands Exes Jennifer Morales-Barerra and then there was Nicole from my ex robert but never felt this jealous before, IDK why I don't think Claudia, is even that attractive. She's dark short and ugly. the one thing i wish i had was the fact that she could probally make someone a better wife than I ever will be able to do. the 2nd? Ilissa likes her and Ilissa probally hates me. I do what I can for her even if she does continue to hate me, I can't change her mind about that.. I just hate feeling so jealous and I don't know how to stop it and it makes it worse that I can put a face to the name. It is tearing me up inside... well that's all for now.

the stress is gone.. sort of.

Today has been quite a day, I slept too late.

but overall me & rhylan had a really great day, I love our alone time it's actually very special to me and I get to play with him and tickle him and even tell him "no no rhylan" but yeah he's the most important person in my life along with my sexy husband and my beautiful mother. they all mean the world to me and I would do absolutely do anything and everything to protect them in every way!!!

anywho- well that skank claudia has agreed to just have someone come and pick up the t.v so tomorrow around 5pm it will be gone and we will no longer have to deal with her in our lives anymore I think me & my husband just need to finally be happy together and once and for all get rid of the exes which she is now out of the picture, and it's funny how he said she's not attractive. lol

but although we didn't get a good paycheck but now we have some bills to pay this weekend...
gotta rent a t.v until the projector comes then we have our cell phones to pay then we have to pay a loan ugh.= stressful.

anywho- well my inlaws are coming tomorrow and i am pretty damn excited about that!
well i guess that's all for tonight. going to do the P90X and clean some more because the in laws will be here either tomorrow or Saturday and I've got a lot of cleaning to do and then sunday hopefully me and george can go & see Gayla about these kind of shakes she drinks to loose weight. I wanna be sexy as ever by July 19. my 2-1st birthday! hoo rah!

an exgirlfriend gone wrong

There is this BIG slut named Claudia Hernandez either residing in Corpus Christi TX or Flour Bluff TX she has been starting shit ever since I came into his life banging on his/our door calling him non stop even one time i saw a text message from her on his phone at 2 in the morning, who freaking does that!! stupid girl. well anyway so she put a 72-73 inch t.v in her name at conns on credit after only 2 months of dating him and even during that time he said that he was never in love with her even though they lasted not even a year. haha stupid girl.

anywho so now she's suing my husband and me i guess you could say since I am the M-R-S IN HIS LIFE. I Just can't believe this drama...

see the thing is i talked crap to her a few months back and that she doesn't go threw him b/c i don't think it's an appropriate situation calling MY husband from 3pm until 2-3am. that's physco-ish and stalker-ish, and not even respectful to his wife if you have something to say you can come to my place calmly and knock (not bang heffer) this stupid skank bangs down the damn door as if she is the police or something, but yes. this is true about Claudia aka SKANK. Hernandez

even my beautiful mother in law and my awesomest sister in law have agreed with me on this. HAHAH dumb heffer you can't have my ring and can't have my amazing in laws you want to know why? because my husband HATES your kids and said when he saw you crying because of how screwed up your kids are he would say in his head... that it was ur fault they were the way they are and that he never wanted his daughter around ur kids and never loved you and never wanted to marry you and with me we had a gorgous baby boy and was married within 9 months. love falls hard and fast when your in love, and NO I did not make him marry me he's the only who always told me he couldn't wait to have a family of our own and he PROPOSED on XMAS EVE!!

STUPID, STUPID GIRL.

my life as it comes for this day, today.

So, This is my first real blog in over 3 years.

So let's start this first blog with everything that I am feeling and with all of the goals that I have in store for myself.

1. I want to loose about 65-70 pounds, I want a flat stomach and my arms chins calvs and everything else toned up I want to be the girl that when i pass other girls in the mall they turn and stare and say "look at that skinny girl who thinks she's all that just because she's skinny" yes, I want to be the girl that YOUR jealous of. I'm not conceded I just know what I want because when there is a girl passing by me I envy her because I want her body shape and don't have it, but I call them a Heffer.

2. I want to be able to run and not just for 5 minutes or even 30 I want to be just like Tara Costa, and be able to run a freaking marathon that would be amazing. She is one of the people who happens to be a semi/celebrity who i look up too, she was on the biggest loser about 2 seasons ago, I just want to have that fulfilling feeling about finally accomplishing something.

3. I want to get my GED or even Diploma, but I don't want to go back to a regular High School.
I want to then go to college for my degree in to be an Ultrasound Tech., that's my dream then from there also go for a 2nd degree in writing/poetry or something for as long as I can remember I'm always be in love with writing and been in love with photography. so that's my thing.

4. I want to write a book even if it only sells 100 copies I don't need to be the most famous writer/novelist/author or whatever, I don't need to be Stephenie Meyer,Lauren Myracle,Nicholas Sparks, Judy BLume,Sarah Dessen or anyone else I just want to see a book of MINE being published I would love that, I want to do book signings I want to do that, I'm not in it for the fame, I'm in it for just to be able to do 2 things that I love... I love reading and I love writing and I would love to be able to say to my child, my family for that matter... GUESS WHAT? I'VE BEEN PUBLISHED. That would mean more than the world to me.

5. I want have read 100 books by the time 2011 gets here. I have so far read... ttyl,ttfn,l8r g8r by Lauren Myracle.. Twilight,New Moon,Eclipse & breaking dawn by Stephenie Meyer; Dear John by Nicholas Sparks ; Bras and broomsticks and frogs and french kisses by Sarah Mylowski
so that means I have 90 more books to read. I am now reading.. spells and sleeping bags by Sarah Mylowski so if any of you have any suggestions as for books to read please don't hesitate. and let me know what the books are about.

6. I want to improve me and George's marriage, I want to do more things together like cooking together working out together or anything I think we should have something to do together and then something else we could do as a family. I think it would really help us get even more closer than we already are.

7. and finally be a good wife to be able to know how to cook more dishes clean more and clean faster. to be the wife he can't wait to come home too, to a clean home and very nice smelling home of food and cleanse.

that is all i have for now maybe tomorrow something will be different.

for now the top ones are..

ged diploma.
write book.
get my 2 degrees.

let's make this happen.

I LOVE YOU George & Rhylan (: