thinking thinking thinking

so i've been extreamly "down" lately- I can't stop but help think of Zeke- I didn't even go to the room where Zeke was- I just couldn't after Isabel passed away it was extreamly hard for me to get over the death and of me loosing her.. and that's why I really didn't want too it's just WAY to hard for me to deal with because now I am TERRIFIED of death. I want to get to a point to where I accept it and I want to be totally in sync with JESUS, and I wanna have a closer relationship with all my in laws and my brother for that matter, I don't want to regret anything I want to be happy and love life and everyone in it-but onto other things I got a comment thing from Milissa and idk it said it was from ilissa that she got offended because she wasn't listed as my daughter- I didn't know if that would be okay with her because it kind of feels like de-ja vu because when i was 8 my dad met his whore of a girlfriend/wife whatev-and she controlled everything and he never stuck up for me and he never spent time alone with me and he did everything with her brat of a daughter and he lived in angleton and i lived in corpus some things are different her dad(george) lives in corpus and she lives in angleton i don't control stuff and i tell him to go spend time with her alone or with both the kids and i don't have a kid of my own nor would i ever want him to spend more time with my non exsisting other child than his own because that's not right but anyway back to the point i would be pissed if she listed me as her daughter i would throw my fit so bad she wouldn't know what hit her. So I didn't know where the limit was and now I know and it actually makes me happy to hear that she wanted me to post that she was my daughter it's not that i wanted her to be offended it's that she wants me to call her my daughter as well it really did because a while back i got into that fight w/ claudia and she said ilissa didn't even like me so it made me happy because if she was offended that means she likes me :) yay! well anyway- that's all for now.