we're good.

I talked to him this morning and he said he wants to work it out with me. Although- I am still upset about the fact that he told his mom he was done with me, those kinds of things shouldn't be brought up unless it's a fact and it really hurt me to hear that i didn't go back to sleep until after 7am. I had a huge headache and couldn't sleep because of it and so i used a rag on my head and it helped alot i got my son out at 1030 from his bed and went back to sleep or half a sleep while he watched tv i opened up my eyes about every 10 minutes and he was fine and playing and watching one of his favorite shows "sid the science kid" and then went to check the mail and attorney general papers came in although they didn't send what i was looking for so george is probally going to have to call back so i can write it down.
and i didn't see any address as of where to send payment too????? anywho. got to go and get rhylans birth cirtificate to take over there to the attorney general so that they can lower the child support... haha his ex is gonna be pissed. oh well!

I'll love you no matter what

It's 7:18am. and I have only had maybe an hour if not more of sleep.
I've been crying since last night, I heard my husband or possibly ex husband say that he was done with me, he didn't even tell me he told his mom.

I'm tired of him opening up to his mom not me, didn't he choose me to be his wife so that he can talk to me? If I am feeling shitty I let him know.

Last night We had a huge burst out, he called my mom to come over which in my opinion was stupid and childish wah wah wah my wife didn't let me sleep in the room, get over it. You treat me like dirt you sleep downstairs, it was not going to kill him now was it? No.

He came home banging on the door and this was scaring the crap out of me and I was so scared to open the door because i thought he was going to attack me I seriousally thought that. I am scared for him to touch me right now,

But yet, I am more terrified of us not being together anymore. Maybe he's been waiting for an excuse for us to break up.

I don't know.

What I do know is I am so deeply and madly in love with this man and I even though I have the biggest migraine and My heart is filled with nothing but pain I want nothing more for him to come home and just tell me exactly how much he loves me and everything else. I don't count on him doing that... He might be leaving me today. I don't know... But I am scared of that. I've never been so in love before...

I just never wanted rhylan growing up with a mom and dad around him 24/7. it sucks!

Please god. Please. I pray to you this morning asking you to help with our problems and help us work this out.

I don't believe in divorce but we do have to, I will never re-marry again. I love this man for the long haul, I actually meant it when I said "I do" Until death do us part for me anyway. Maybe he lied, and thought it's what he wanted.

Please,Please.

I will always Love you George... weather you do or don't. that's your decision but you'll always have the key to my heart.

Thinking about my dad yet again....

I don't know why but I think today I have been thinking alot about him wishing I had a relationship with him but it will never happen because of the wife he has, ever since she walked into his life our relationship turned from something to nothing.

I remember this one time I was maybe 11-12 and I had previousaly fractured my ankle and I brought my "boot" to play with wear and I on accident I stepped on her kids foot and she screamed at me to take it off and I remember getting quiet and i ran into my dads house & I cried. He Didn't defend me then.

Or When she yelled at me because she blamed me for breaking the computer he did defend me then but he still forgave her for it, and neither one of those times did she appoligize to me.

Or yelling at me when I had a pill that some guy gave me back in school because i told her kid if she wanted it, when I was messing around with her I was never going to let her take it I would have laughed it off. My dad actually wanted to take me down to the police station for it and the only reason he didn't was because his truck didn't work.

Or the time his wife was spreading MY BUSINESS around her family that's when I stopped trusting her and found out the hard way that I could never tell her anything.

Or the time she told her daughter not to mess with me and try to stay away from me because I was a bad kid and a bad influence. Are you kidding me? Her Kid Named Brittany Michelle Raybon (wishes her last name was Morrow) told me over and over again to hook her up with someone because she was desperate to have a boyfriend and totally desperate to loose her Virginity. You shouldn't have to be rushed into Virginity you should take your time getting there.

But I feel Like I've always been so lost without having a Dad around, like when I had banquets and she couldn't come he would say that he wasn't coming then.

Or the time he actually came from Brazoria to Corpus Christi for my tennis tournament back in the 8th grade. He dropped me off and the skanks kid off at my tournament while he went back to pick the skanky wife at the hotel because she wasn't done putting on her makeup it would take years to make her look beautiful.

So by the time He got back I had already played my match (and lost) but yet he always gets mad because I never invited him to any of my functions or whatever you want to call them. you wanna know why? because your there more for your wife than me.

not to mention that he bought her kid a 2 cars wrecked them. not to mention insurance.

oh and let's see theres the part where he paid for his wife to have surgery because she was getting fatter and she couldn't loose the weight because she was so damn lazy.

then let's see.... he had to pay all that money insurance didn't cover it. and i asked for an ipod touch and yet that's too expensive. asshole

it just breaks my heart to know i don't have a dad and that i got replaced. it truly sucks for me.

It feels like a part of me is missing and it always will be. Because I haven't had a dad since I was about 8 years old when Sherry left.

ever since he's thrown me out to the curb.

but yet I still in a way kind of my son to know his grandfather.

Because he's to ask me one day where my father is...

Hmmm... I guess this questioned will always be un-answered. or I could use my sister's advice and say that he doesn't need to know who he is...

Baby Mama Drama is ALWAYS the worst.

Well my husbands ex- Milissa Rosales or as I like to call her "that bitch" is trying to get more money out of us and we might have to be forced into getting an attorney because this bitch needs to realize that we have a child of our own not just his other child, and I will make sure of that. Just because of his kids has a whore for a mom doesn't mean MY son needs to suffer because of it. I think he has an amazing daughter but there is so much about this situation that she just does not even understand, But like my mom said it's not her fault because she didn't ask to be born and I'm not blaming my husband I'm just glad we're together now so that he doesn't make anymore mistakes like Milissa. I have heard over and over from his mom and everyone else how much of a mistake she was and I laughed when he was telling his dad about the drama and everyones advice is totally right about her, He will not let her push him around because if she does it again I will open my mouth weather that bitch gets mad or not, she is not my family and I will never invite her into it. Like for my son's 2nd birthday I invited Ilissa, and Ilissa only and her and her other daughter and her kid and her stupid fatass boyfriends kids too and her nephews like who the fuck invited them? I didn't. SO let me say this again you will not take more money from me HOE! I am going to fight for my man and my son. Just know that I am a bitch who has NEVER liked you but only put up with you just like the rest of his family does. Nobody likes you and everyone has agreed that you were always the mistake. Remember God will not put you through what he can't take you through.

dont push me away

I feel like you keep pushing me
Further and futher away
And its hard for me to accept that
Because I love you more than words could ever describe
I love you ten times more than ill ever
Be able to show you.
You are my soul mate and ill never give up on you
And I hope that you'll never give up on me
So stop pushing me away
Pull me close to you; kiss me
And make passionate love to me.
I love you and that will never stop
Nor will it ever change
Or go away.

Brokenhearted

i wrote this poem today after being pissed about george not wanting to communicate with me.

here it is:

"Broken hearted"

I feel like I'm so alone
in this crazy world
not knowing what to do
feeling so empty and so alone
with no on to talk to
with no one to love me
but my first born son
waiting to just lay in a hole
and cry until the pain goes away
feeling like my
heart has shattered
with the pain in my stomach
i just want to feel numb
instead of this horrible pain
that lies in my heart
i love you-but yet youve
seemed to cause pain
to me and to my heart

Written By: Victoria Vera
July 22,2010

why do THEY keep pushing me...

I want to know why my mom keeps pushing me into being in contact with my dad, if he wants a "relationship" with me it should be on his end-i'm not going to him anymore i'm just not, not only that George doesn't like seeing me so upset over how my dad treats me or let his skanky wife do, and i would never do that and nor will I ever put my son around that he is my world- and if i was ever with someone else i would never in a million years let them talk to him however they wanted my son is my #1 and i do what is best for him and not for what is best for myself. Anyways that's all for now... Rhylan turns 2 tomorrow!!! ahhh. then his party saturday! woot wooot wooooot!