everything going on.

well unfortunately the prayer didn't work not that it didn't work but GOD needed Zeke. Zeke passed away Tuesday morning, I am so sad about this... I did cry a little bit- I didn't know him to well I only saw him maybe about 5 times during the course of my relationship with George, but it doesn't mean that I wasn't sad about. But He's with GOD right now and his Lovely Wife Gloria. So we'll be going to Victoria tomorrow after my huney gets out of work so that we can so be there for the family, I just feel so sad because we saw him 2 days before he passed away we did say goodbye and george got to tell him that he loved him I just wished that my babe would have talked to him more.. But When we did see him I could see that he was in pain it hurt me alot because Zeke lost his life the same way my grandfather did and then I was about 11-12 years old so I really don't remember if my grandpa was suffering or if he was in pain. I just hate that anybody has to go through this. But anyway- the herbalife party is on Sunday. hopefully going to make some money and then rhylans birthday is coming up in about 2 weeks and 1 day and we're really excited that he's finally going to turn 2... but not ready for the TERRIBLE TWOS! and then in about 3 and 1/2 weeks is my 21st birthday! woot woot! no idea on what we're doing it.. but IT HAS TO BE BIG! haha :) anyways this is all for now. oh yeah and then about a week or maybe two later is me and my honeys 3 year ANNIVERSARY! yeah! lol ciao!

i have one of the best worlds the other not so good

well yesterday was supposed to be a good day spending with my family.. but it wasn't.
well... we go to the bank and what happens? a cash and go check went through a check that was supposed to be shredded but wasn't. how horrible are they! but anywho we had to pay $30 for them to stop that check, so now- yeah i've been talking it over with George about switching his bank accounts to maybe mine or even a different bank just so that we can avoid all of these money problems, but I am working really hard to try and bring in some more money so that's why i'm trying to figure out some things if i could work i would but i can't, 1) I can't afford the childcare & 2)no way to get there lol... but we're working on getting me a car it's kind of hard doing things with no car... but i must make sacrifices for me and my family, but anywho the good part about yesterday? well for me no more pocket! butttt.I got sprint and i finally got my blackberry! my real blackberry not one that looks like one whoo hoo! & i absolutely love it! plus i can do more buisness on it. and that will be good for us i'm just praying and hoping i can make some more money and not let anyone think i'm just mooching. he's my husband and i love him more than life even if i do hate him 10% of the time. but 90% i'm madly in love :) Anyways that's all for now!

So I've been doing alot of thinking

So first off- I need to graduate & I've been looking over some online GED it's easy and convienent for me for someone who is trying to finish their high school education who happens to also be a stay at home mom and wife, and with no car.. it's hard for me plus no money to be able to afford child care so I need to get that taken care of and I really need a job I don't really want to work but I NEED to, it's not a want it's a need and I need to do more things to make more money it's just going to be alot easier being able to bring in more money so that we're not always struggling with bills.

then here is another thing that has been on my mind- I want to really write a book. about the relationship that I have with my dad but yet not making it out as an autobiography making it a drama telling book/novel. I just really want to do this that not every father/daughter relationship is about a dad protecting his daughter or loving her unconditionally and i will send a copy to him myself and there will be no dedication to him in any kind of way, because he was never there for me, and he deserves it. I just really wish that I had a dad and it sucks that I don't and I'll always have the feeling of something missing and it sucks, but there is nothing that I can do about this, he caused this upon himself end of story.

then- today was one of the greatest days that I had with George, we went to a few stores today I cooked us some spagetti and boy was it yummy! I think I'm going to make him some enchiladas tomorrow. :) but he just kept coming up to me from behind and holding me and just kissing me on my lips my cheecks and all around my neck :) then when we were watching the game *go celtics* he pulled me from where i was and sat me on his lap for me to kiss him, it was so romantically cute.

loosing weight has been a challenge my weight keeps going up and down. which sux! i need to loose 42 pounds! yikes!

i hope your okay zeke.

well things haven't been great- well my husbands uncle, so i guess he's my uncle too since i'm married to my hubby lol idk. but anywho so about a month ago maybe longer... my husband's uncle Zeke got diagnosed with cancer and just yesterday my mother in law said that they took my father in law outside the room and said that there was no hope for him which makes me really sad and i even started to almost cried but i blinked away the tears, even though i don't know him very well and i haven't had many conversations with him, it still makes me sad that my husband is going to be very sad when it's time for him to move onto a better place. I know that when my husband talks to his uncle zeke on the phone he gets very happy and i don't wanna see him sad, it hurts you when the ones u care about the most are heart broken. It really does hurt my heart, But I know I'm going to have to be the strong one for my husband because I know he's going to lean on me for a shoulder to cry on and also for some support. I am praying for you zeke and i hope your doing a lot better, we all love you and are praying for your like crazy, and we're always going to be thinking of you.

update.

well things have been going well just trying to stay strict with my diet and trying to keep the weight off i lost about 13 pounds but then gained 3 back so it's a struggle but i just need to arrange my diet and have a routine so that doesn't happen- but over all i am doing soo great! and i am so happy to see my mom loosing weight and getting more healthy! it's good for her and i just wish my sister would use herbalife to loose weight and be healthy but i don't think she will and i just hope she doesn't get diabetic because of the weight and the fact that is does run in our family, but who knows? and i just really want her to stop handing off her kids to everyone, it's like she wants to have kids but not have the responsibility for them and that really pisses me off!!! but anywho- on to new things... my 21st birthday is coming up and i am getting soooo effin xcited!! i have no idea what i want to do yet but we'll see what kind of events come up for that day.... then rhylan's 2nd birthday party is coming up as well and we're exciting for my baby because he is going to get sooo spoiled :D but technically that's my day too since i went through all of that hard work bringing him into this world :) then the party we're having for herbalife.... then sometime during the summer Anita & her daughter are coming to see George's uncle Zeke. I'm kind of nervous about that though- I don't want any problems for George... Maybe I'll just sit this one out!! Who knows?
Well anyways, this is all for now. TATA!

i just want him to care....

I just want him to ask how my day was or if i burn myself on the burner say "are you ok" or just come up to me just to say i love you. just to text me and say "i miss you" he used to do everything like that... everyone was jealous of what we have. and now? i'm jealous of what they have. i just want the old george back, and i honestly don't know if that will ever happen. i am so depressed and he's not willing to make me happy. as long as he's happy then no one else matters. i just wish that i was able to drink like there was no tomorrow because then i could hide the pain with liquor. i would be a drunk, but then nobody would know how i felt, because i would be able to hide it by drinking. this sucks! :(

i hate this crap!

so a few days ago me and george had sex or as he likes to say "he made love to his wife" hehe he's the bessst! anywho- so now a few days later i only get my period from what i've noticed when me and george have sex and i honestly think that's so weird, but anywho- now i am in extreamly bad back ache pain it's horrible i think i would just feel a whole lot better if i could cry... but guess what? i can't. but yeah but other than that- last night me being so pissed about going to George's brothers? It wasn't that I was pissed it was just like I felt like I was told we were going I probally would have agreed if I was just asked, that's all I wanted. I mean I love every single one of my in-laws to death and I am one of the most outgoing people IN THE WORLD! but just ask! Grrr! LOL- But yeah it was David,Pat,Roland,Alex,Bridgette, Roland's 2 kids George & Myself- everyone was pretty much drunk except for me of course! I only had 2 drinks and that's because I had to make myself drink the 2nd one!! It was pretty damn strong! LOL!!! But I had a good night with my husband but I just really wanna "be with him" more and him to be more open! I think that's why i've been so bitchy and I hate being that way towards him, but This week Maybe Thursday I wanna cook a GREAT dinner for him, and maybe a dessert to just to show him how much I love him and how much I appriciate him for everything he does for our family and how i would marry him over and over again and not change a thing. He told me when we reach 10 years that he wants to re-new our vows and baby we'll get there, maybe next time we can have a beach wedding!! woot woot. but only our family can be there.. if that! lol. I just want something intimate (like i wanted the first time around!!) well other than that.. i've been on the search for a beautiful green dress! i want to wear some of my mothers day gifts and they are green so ugh. lol but i'm probally just going to have to wear the pink dress and then wear some cute jewelry... like the braclet/necklace my sister in law gave me from Hawaii... so yeah. i just need to find some damn matching shoes!!
lol. we bought my 21st birthday invitations today!! we bought like 24 invites for about 3 dollars. lol... so far on my guest list- Tania,Jacob,Gayla,Evelyn,Marissa,Michelle&Joe,Stacy,Paul,Trey,David & etc and idk who else yet- the only person out of those I can almost guarantee is Evelyn. I just need to find out what I can do so that the party isn't BORING! Like who wants to be bored at a 21st birthday party? not me. I gotta plan,plan,plan. :) if you have any ideas please let me know.

drinks,and decorations is what I need help with!!!!!!