Brokenhearted

i wrote this poem today after being pissed about george not wanting to communicate with me.

here it is:

"Broken hearted"

I feel like I'm so alone
in this crazy world
not knowing what to do
feeling so empty and so alone
with no on to talk to
with no one to love me
but my first born son
waiting to just lay in a hole
and cry until the pain goes away
feeling like my
heart has shattered
with the pain in my stomach
i just want to feel numb
instead of this horrible pain
that lies in my heart
i love you-but yet youve
seemed to cause pain
to me and to my heart

Written By: Victoria Vera
July 22,2010

why do THEY keep pushing me...

I want to know why my mom keeps pushing me into being in contact with my dad, if he wants a "relationship" with me it should be on his end-i'm not going to him anymore i'm just not, not only that George doesn't like seeing me so upset over how my dad treats me or let his skanky wife do, and i would never do that and nor will I ever put my son around that he is my world- and if i was ever with someone else i would never in a million years let them talk to him however they wanted my son is my #1 and i do what is best for him and not for what is best for myself. Anyways that's all for now... Rhylan turns 2 tomorrow!!! ahhh. then his party saturday! woot wooot wooooot!

a little scared

so george got off work today and took a shower... that NEVER EVER happens, I have to tell him to take one when he really STANKS because usually he'll take one right before bed... why did he shower? was he with someone? idk- it has me worried- did he do something? idk i am probally tripping. but what if im not? idk- i hope not i don't wanna loose my new family they rock and their my world, idk. well anita and the clan will be here in about 3 weeks! and my party is in 2 weeks as well as my birthday oh my gosh i can not even begin to tell you how excited i am. i just wanna be with my husband more than anything i want to work out our marriage problems and i want us to be the golden couple that everyone envies. hopefully that happens....

thinking thinking thinking

so i've been extreamly "down" lately- I can't stop but help think of Zeke- I didn't even go to the room where Zeke was- I just couldn't after Isabel passed away it was extreamly hard for me to get over the death and of me loosing her.. and that's why I really didn't want too it's just WAY to hard for me to deal with because now I am TERRIFIED of death. I want to get to a point to where I accept it and I want to be totally in sync with JESUS, and I wanna have a closer relationship with all my in laws and my brother for that matter, I don't want to regret anything I want to be happy and love life and everyone in it-but onto other things I got a comment thing from Milissa and idk it said it was from ilissa that she got offended because she wasn't listed as my daughter- I didn't know if that would be okay with her because it kind of feels like de-ja vu because when i was 8 my dad met his whore of a girlfriend/wife whatev-and she controlled everything and he never stuck up for me and he never spent time alone with me and he did everything with her brat of a daughter and he lived in angleton and i lived in corpus some things are different her dad(george) lives in corpus and she lives in angleton i don't control stuff and i tell him to go spend time with her alone or with both the kids and i don't have a kid of my own nor would i ever want him to spend more time with my non exsisting other child than his own because that's not right but anyway back to the point i would be pissed if she listed me as her daughter i would throw my fit so bad she wouldn't know what hit her. So I didn't know where the limit was and now I know and it actually makes me happy to hear that she wanted me to post that she was my daughter it's not that i wanted her to be offended it's that she wants me to call her my daughter as well it really did because a while back i got into that fight w/ claudia and she said ilissa didn't even like me so it made me happy because if she was offended that means she likes me :) yay! well anyway- that's all for now.