we had a rough day....

george upset me today about me 2 dishes not being washed the dishwasher just didn't do it's job so i was going to do it before he snapped at me about it- but whatever. so rhylan and i went upstairs and he tumbles down the stairs and my heart beated so fast and i ran but george caught him and rhylan was crying not because he hurt himself but because he was scared but george busted his lip and hurt his leg for our son, he's my hero for today other than that GOD and Rhylan and George and my mom and my brother are my favorite Hero's!! but yeah he said he slid to catch him my baby boy fell and i grabbed him from george so fast and i just started crying it scared the living hell out of me, my baby got hurt... he is my absolute everything! but I'm glad that rhylan and george are okay :D and... later on i just got really worried and started crying but george conforted me... and told me that rhylan was okay and that it was an accident- but i was just happy that i had a good man in my arms to hold me and make everything better!! I just want to be the good wife for him just like he's the BEST man in the world for me... i wouldn't change anything because I know it's not often to find a good man for someone or even a good wife... I mean just look at my dad! Don't get me wrong I like the fact that he and my mom met because then I wouldn't be here and then I wouldn't have met George and then I wouldn't be the mother to an absolutely amazing handsome and cute as can be child.. named Rhylan Zane, BUT- I am so happy more than words can ever say that he and my mother are no longer together.. do i like his new wife and her kid? hell to the NO! I mean he always and i mean always asks me if i like her i just say yes to shut him up, but i've never liked her! and nor will i ever and she will NEVER and I mean NEVER be allowed anywhere near my son! i hate her. end of story. but i just don't really like my dad and it's like i'm always trying to hang up with him before he says i love you so that i don't have to say it back or if i do i don't mean it! but-
he asked me once that if i wanted i could leave rhylan with him for a weekend but there will be in no way possible that i will ever leave him for a weekend with that crazy family of his. first off- i will not leave him around that whores daughter Brittany Michelle Raybon. stupid girl thinks she is my dads daughter haha. if i didn't know my dad i'd say be his daughter! but it just pisses me off that he always does more for her than he's ever done for me in a lifetime, it sucks and the feeling sucks! i feel depressed and like a apart of me is missing because of it! i think it would some-what be better if i never knew him... because then i wouldn't be soooo dissapointed. IDK- I'm just glad that rhylan has a dad that will always be there for him!

It came back...

Well tonight I went shopping with my mom (and she insisted we bring rhylan, ugh.) LOL not that I love him, because I love him with every part of my little being but it's hard to really shop with a toddler! We're going to be going to church soon, so that's the reason for the shopping emergency! hehe. But I wanna feel good/better about myself so I think I always try to look my BEST when i'm in church, usually... not with Glory because well, I didn't like the church-but I am sure that I will LOVE this new church! :) Well tonight I tried to talk "sexy" to George... But- He didn't like it, and it's really starting to DEPRESS me! He was going into the shower tonight and i told him that he better shut the door/lock the door because i was going to "rape" him and he just laughed it off and i told him that i wanted an answer but he didn't all he did was close the door.... so he comes down stairs from the shower and he tries to kiss me goodnight but i pull away and i say "No, I'm mad at you" and he asks why so i told him that he didn't answer me and he says I'll Answer you when your serious, and i said i was and still nothing. I heart kind of sunk really low!! & I felt the depression... the depression is indeed back... I'm going to be going to the ER soon, and I am hoping that they can treat my depression there as well... I'm just scared.... I miss the man who I fell in love with.... The man I fell in love with was always talking about sex and could bearly keep his hands off of me, and now? anytime i mention sex he ignores me... and as far as touching me? it's a miracle if he does touch me... I just don't know what to do anymore, I just feel really sad. I just think he should go out of town by himself and maybe I just need a few days to think to be by myself and think about everything, and maybe it would do him some good as well. I love him more than anything him & rhylan & my mommy and JESUS. are my life, my world. but I'm just really confused....